It’s no secret that I’m not the handiest guy in the world. Of the roughly 1,000 blog entries on my old blog, I estimate about 1/3 of them detailed my misadventures with heating and cooling systems, disposals, attics, moving cable outlets, or just about anything that brings electricity, water, or general comfort to the 21st century home. So it should come as no surprise at all that I brought my handy skills to bear yet again the other day, this time to a washing machine.

We got our washing machine and dryer several months before we got married which puts them at just over 9 years old (NINE YEARS people). I was doing laundry when I noticed the washing machine had been suspiciously quiet for a while. I opened the lid and saw it full of water, not draining at all. I considered my options:

1. Embrace my inability to fix anything around the house and call a repairman
2. Try and solve this problem on my own

Like the stubborn mule that I am, I decided to try and fix this on my own. The following ensued.

Step 1: Back the washing machine away from the wall. In case you didn’t know this, an empty washing machine ain’t exactly light. Add to it 40 gallons of water, my awesome sock collection, and a few threadless t-shirts and you’re now talking about moving a small vehicle without wheels. Fortunately I’m strong as hell.

This would turn out to be the least of my problems.

Step 2: Using a so-called expert on the internet, I theorize the drain pipe out of the washing machine is clogged. Leaping from my office desk chair, I skip off to the laundry room, prepared to unhook the pipe and inspect it for debris. I prepare the area around the pipe with a few towels and I’m ready to go!

Step 3: Forget a bucket for the excess water.

Step 4: Unplug the spout. If you read step 3 above closely, you can imagine what happened next. Water came gushing out, like a mini Old Faithful, except the water was cold and it was all over my freakin laundry room and not outside in Northwest Wyoming. Ever the quick thinker that I am (perhaps too quick since I always forget something critical to the problem at hand?), I stop the mad flow of water w/ a towel. Aha, problem solved! Except one minor problem. I’m hunched over in the laundry room, plugging this geyser with my hand and a towel and I’m the only one home. If I move my hand, the towel cannot hold it and the waterworks are at it again. With no bucket to catch the water, and HP off blowing through birthday booty at Lenox mall, it seemed that I was stuck.

I stood there in perfect hunch position for about 2 minutes contemplating this dilemma. I then look to the side and notice a steamer we got for Christmas a few years ago. Attached to this steamer is a 4 foot long pole used to hold hangers full of clothes. So, using one hand to hold the water in place, I used the other hand to pull the hanger poll from the steamer. I then wedged one end of the poll down into the hole w/ the towel to stop it up. Now I could stand up! But what would maintain the pressure? I had an answer for this too!

That’s right, my clothes hamper is wedged in at the other end and is applying the pressure needed to keep this thing in check (and yes, those are my boxers in there. Don’t get excited ladies). I was now able to run off to get a big pot so I could start draining the water.

Once I got this bad boy, I only had to repeat the “fill up pot, re-wedge towel, re-position poll, run to empty pot” choreography about 5 times. And I had it all put back together by the time HP got home from her shopping conquests!

Bad news is that I still was unable to fix the washing machine. Time to call the repairman.

Now that my blog is over 6 weeks old, I’ve decided I need a writing challenge. I’m not quite as prolific as I used to be (but I am more handsome. not sure if they’re related) so I want something to encourage me to blog more. So I’m going to try something starting tomorrow: 30 entries in 30 days. I pledge to you, dear reader, to have a new blog entry every day by 11:59pm culminating on April 20th. Some days you might see a longer form entry, other days it may be a twitter like entry, and I may even throw in a few photo themed blog entries (you should be nervous).

The first entry comes tomorrow and is entitled “How not to handle a washing machine crisis. Or a lesson in how TJ is the unhandy man”.

Wish me luck.